Dreams.... Dreams... Dreams

The recent restart of school and work and everything else that dominates the life no longer mine has left me delirious and sleepy in the hours I can claim to rest. This has made me ever more susceptible to those deep dreams that you remember for days. I think they have significance and some of them are rather chilling, but I will leave that up to you to interpret beyond what I think.

First, I have been playing soccer 2 or 3 times a week. For hours. I get tired, I run around, I try really really hard and am playing well but it seems lost because my Spanish team isn't winning. We also can't communicate and they won't play me where I will be most effective. So one night when I stumbled in at like 2 in the morning I dreamt that I was in St. Johns and that I had a game and I had arrived late. I ran onto the field took a pass and scored. The announcer said, "Blake Gray is now the all time leading scorer for St. Johns High School!" I was so excited and happy and I felt vindicated for all the hard work I had put in. I raised my arms above my head and looked into the stands and saw..... no body. It was weird when I woke because I ran my hands over my head and thought, there are some things that I do that honestly don't matter. It hit me hard. It made me think.

I also got called to be the Ward Mission Leader, if I get anything accomplished there it is a testament to the power of God to make weak people workable. After a long day of ward and stake meeting I went to a "Sunday party" to play board games and did nothing but talk about the gospel. When I got home I sank into my bead and dreamt about the ward mission and about the ward missionaries and how many haven't experienced the "Declaring of the Gospel" and are so excited and green. In my dream I walked into a room where one of the new ward missionaries was teaching and I sat there and admired how she taught point after point so well and clearly. One of the students raised his/her hand and asked some rude question about some misconception coming from some pastor. The girl was flustered and soon the classroom swirled into uncontrolled contention and she lost control of the lesson. I got so mad. I was screaming and throwing things and challenging them to answer doctrine to which that had no answer. I was screaming, "In the beginning was God, who was before God? If no one or thing was before God who created Satan?" I just kept screaming that over and over again, "Who created Satan!" It was weird, I lost control and even when the students quited I still kept railing them and proving to them that they had so much to learn. I assume these students were not members. When I woke I was a little stressed about the prospect of setting up a booth at ASU and putting ourselves out there to be destroyed and conversed with by those around us, who have so much to learn. I was worried for those who were about to teach and those who get teased. Then I logged on to realclearpolitics.com and read some articles about Mitt Romney as a possible VP pick and when I read the comments at the bottom my heart dropped. Comment after comment was more of the same 'ole Anti-Mormon closed sentiment that they would never vote for him. What Bigotry was displayed. I started to honestly feel afraid that he would be chosen and me as a green inexperienced WML would face the brunt of this influx of attention toward the church as politics delved into religion.

Side note to current topic of dreams and stuff, this year has been ugly for politics. We have seen Feminism and Ant-feminism, The Race card, the White guilt card, and the reverse racism card played, we have seen Religion being thrust in the face of voters and tempers flared over items that were never meant to be part of the political system of the United States of America. As the campaign continues on, I wonder more and more if the individuals and families of this country will make the difference, because if it is BH Obama or McCain running the country it really comes down to how we run our lives and our families.... to much attention is put on things that don't matter ...... which goes back to dream # 1

Who's to blame for record profits for the oil companies?

Much has been made of the recent profits that oil companies have made at a time when gas prices are making headaches for Americans. Democrats lead by BH Obama have proposed a windfall profit tax to tax oil companies for their "excessive profits". While such a strategy is sure to make oil prices increase by adding additional costs to oil companies, I never saw that oil companies were really making extreme profits as many posted only a 3% profit margin. This last week though the top 5 oil companies all posted record profits and incredible profit growth over the last year. It actually started to bother me. For once maybe I saw some reason in the unreasonable. So I started to delve into the major question, who is to blame? Oil speculators? Greedy oil profiteers? Democrats? Wait, wait, wait, could it really be the Democrats... weren't they the ones against big oil?

Yes, but once again in their quest through unreasonable means they have caused the opposite of what they want to happen to happen. By reducing the areas that oil companies can drill in legislation has effectively limited the supply of oil and the ability of oil companies to increase that supply. Combine the limited supply on the WORLD market for emerging market's (like China) desire to secure future energy shares for their growing production need you have the rights (futures) of future oil shares being bought up for ever increasing prices. Some have blamed speculator for driving up prices, and/or US oil companies for driving up production but the US isn't the number one producer of oil and speculators' purchases of oil pale in comparison to the aggregate world purchases of oil for actual use. The DEMOCRATS proposals of punishing speculators and oil producers have one fatal familiar flaw; they can only punish AMERICAN producers and speculators leaving foreign producers free to carve a larger share of the oil market out for themselves and making us MORE DEPENDENT ON FOREIGN OIL. Reduced profits for American companies also mean more induced hardships for American citizens.

All of these has produced a higher-per-barrel price for companies. Unlike many companies, oil producers have had no control over the price of barrels. Once on the world market, competition for oil shares decides the price. Basic economics, when competition for a product increases and supply remains stagnant, prices increase. This has played to the advantage of oil companies as no additional costs of production were incurred. So as prices increase and costs remain stable, all the additional rise in oil price is PROFIT. This is why Exxon was able to post record profits of $11.68 billion. So when prices were pushed from $100 a barrel to $120 a barrel that equated to nearly $20 a barrel PROFIT. So who is to blame for increasing oil prices? Legislation on regulation. AKA, the Democrats. This blew my mind when I realized that these profits were directly links to the Democrats. Of course then when they propose to punish oil companies for these profits.... I shake my head. More control, more power, please.... no more Democrat moves like these.

Days go bye.... They go bye too

Things are as they should be. I just got back from muh hometown and enjoyed the July 24th celebrations. It was everything that it should have been, from the country dancing to the parade. We also had our Crosby reunion at the same time and it was the first one I have been to without my Grandpa being there. We had a part where each child of my Grandparents got up and told stories about them and that, couple with my own personal memories drove me to think of the duty that I have as their grandchild to be something more. I think that if I had been given to tough life that my grandpa had been given.... Well I don't think I would have made it. I just have always been so proud of him. I remember always going to the apache county fair and finding the sheriff's booth and going up and asking them if they knew my grandpa, because he used to be the sheriff. I would point to his picture if it was up and say proudly, "That's my Grandpa." He was also a lesson in reform, from the rough and rowdy boy to the Grampa who demanded respect and whose spiritual presence was demanding, even if he never said much. I remember his last words to me before I left for the Philippines. Learn to trust the Lord. It seems hard at times because I have so much family to trust and it always seems like we can work things out. I don't pray to ever be pushed to the point where it is just I and the Lord, and no one else, but I wonder if I would have the fortitude. Like my Grandfather and Father before me. We must always remember who we are, and who they were. Whoever it is for you, we all have so many inspirations and rather then sitting around waiting for those inspirations to happen we must become the inspirer. Most of our influences in our lives are not those who were given much, but those who made much from very little. So we know so can we.

En requim
Grampa

Work

I feel like with everything I write there has to be a corresponding journal entry. If I add a sentence, I should credit my stock hold of sanity in my brain. So I have been working at a CPA and pretty soon my brain will be MIA. Actually that's not true, sadly, I really like it. It's like a big puzzle you have to put together and if it doesn't fit, you'll know. The people here are really nice too and it is such a relaxing environment. Paid lunches, call a friend.... just keep working too. (I'm not comfortable enough to do stuff like that though.... except the paid lunches and the blogging during lunch) Everything else in life is going well. I meant to take a social timeout for the summer but it hasn't worked out so I am going to try again...... I'm single what am I supposed to do!

I've been spending a lot of time focusing on economics and politics. I just finished my first non-scriptural book .... "Basic Economics" written by Thomas Sowell (great book). I just finished watching Al Gore talk about his version of solutions for our energy crisis. He had some good points, even though several times during his speech I felt to boo him. One of the things that we need to do as a country to improve our energy independence is start with the infrastructure. We need to start by revamping our outdated power grid. Power outages and defects costs American business $120 billion dollars a year. Thats a lot of billions.
The thing is though is that in order to revamp our power grids, build cleaner and more efficient power plants, and provide long lasting solutions to our current problems Americans have to unite under a common banner. This is going to be expensive and will need funding. Why doesn't the US give Americans the opportunity to put their money where there mouth is by offering energy bonds? With our highly regulated domestic electricity markets the government has much say in how the companies conduct themselves. Whether or not this is advantageous to our economy is not my point, my point is if we are to cut on energy consumption and increase energy production then we should make Americans the invested stockholder in our futures. The energy bonds could be converted into a common stake in such things as updated power grids and new power plants. Power companies already have to pay fees to other companies when their power travels across their lines, so the bonds could be repaid through those fees. The cut in energy loss should provide these companies with a cut in costs which would allow them the financial mobility to repay these bonds. I know, I am just firing this out, but it gets you thinking a little bit to.

So maybe I am a staff accountant/intern at a small public accounting firm. Maybe I don't know what the heck I am doing anyway (well not actually maybe) But I think that I have a vested interest in my future and I think that someday I will either end up in politics or will be on TV saying something about politics, even if it is only a 5 second clip, I gotta get in there somehow.

Say what? What you say?

Blake Gray

Life

Sometimes life really takes you by surprise. Sometimes it kicks you in the face. I think this last almost year of being back from the mission has been a huge roller coaster. In the end, I think I'm finally starting to really get comfortable with the flow of life. This, is of course great news..... at least I'll not call live links so often now.... it was starting to get kinda expensive. Totally kidding. Most of all I have to say the past year has been a rough change. I've always been as happy as always, but accepting that things will never be the way they were takes time. It is sort of a coarse recourse. I am happy to say a friend will be getting sealed soon. I think that has given more of that real happiness than anything else lately. I've had no role, no influence (positive), on anything to do with it. So good for them....

I started working at an accounting firm. My main prima set me up with it and now she is training me. It is fun to watch her twitch as I work. I really suck, but I'm learning. (I know it is hard, just be patient please) I have been happy with the past couple of months because I have returned a little more to my family. I could be successful in school, work, sports, politics, or anything. But if I am not a part of my family. I am nothing. I don't even want to be successful in my family, however that would be measured. I just want to be there when the pictures are taken.

This is what you get when you don't post for a while and find yourself looking back on the past in overview. I guess it is a little healthy.

Finals week. Man this is crazy, finals are coming up and I am borderline A or B in pretty much all my classes. I hate finals. This is just kind of a post because I haven't posted forever but seriously, I hate finals.

Huh? a missionary?

Ladawn took this picture of me.

.....

yay?

Back home...

Well summer camp with its crazy kids and its tired counselors is over. No more "Who's poopy underwear are these?" and no more "Blake, your my favorite counselor ever." It makes me sad but its over. I wish everybody could be a counselor at least once. It is demanding and greatly rewarding. 1 day off every 2 weeks means 13 straight days of 15 hour days. No one tells you thanks for the work except maybe the ones you let cut you in the lunch line. But in the end its the ones that love you that matter.....

Now that I am back I spent my first day skydiving with Ann. It was awesome! now I am, I don't know, getting ready to go to the Philippines. Wish me luck. Salude

Today is Sunday Today is Sunday

Once again I have a little time to scrabble a little message here on my posting block. Yesh it is Sunday, and the camp director has given me time to worship and rest. I snuck up to the chapel here and played some hymns and sang for a while and now I am waiting for a ride to the singles ward in Prescott from Rick who lives on campus. Things are going great and I am anxious to get my call.

Other news. I opened a bank one account so they can direct deposit my check there. I figures this was a good idea since uhhhh I spent my last check.....

The youngers are doing a play tonight and I have a major role. (Yay?) Its all the (7-9) years olds except me out there, its going to be great. Whoops, dang it forgot to get their costumes......

YEE-HAW

Bye Ozule

Yes, Ozule the big half draft horse attempted to buck me today. But what kids, who am I, JOHN WAYNE!! So no more riding Ozule for me. I am loving it here. I end every day with a bit of a struggle to say to myself, Good job Blake. But thats okay, because these kids love it and are getting better and are getting more and more into. Hey I made one laugh so hard he peed his pance. Mission Accomplished

WOW

I rode ozule today, a half draft horse that was huge. It was awesome! This is all I have time to say, does that mean I am busy?

Refiners Fire

The Lord does many thing to ensure that we can be tested and can be made better. The trials that we go through have been titled "the Refiners Fire." Most of the time we are not too thankful for these trials but all these things are for our good. Last night I went to Prescott with all the other counselors. Last time they went I stayed home alone and this time I wish I could have. EVERY single counselor drank that night. Well, our driver didn't I think... But still it was bad, I felt horrible, the spirit WILL NOT stay around in that environment. People drinking Jack and Corona's is not the way to ensure the companionship. So it answers one critic. The "how can you know it's wrong unless you've tried it?" Look I was there, the mere presence and consumption of alcohol made me empty, and fast. Another Critic I have learned to answer is the one who has the "Don't get caught attitude." "In the Bible it says only drunkenness, look I love my whiskey and there ain't nothing wrong with that." Okay you can say that, but what is right about it. How great it would be if every righteous decision was a clear white button and every sinful decision was a black one. We would pop through life and perfect beings right? But its not that way, we are being tested and trained! We must learn obedience and faith when it not clearly obvious. This accompanies my belief in being kind and generous. That bum I gave 5 dollars to? What do I expect to get back, I honestly don't expect a "You gave 5 dollars to a bum get out of hell free card." Or even a sin eraser worth 5 dollars of kindness. I expect nothing, the greatest test and triumphs is when a man chooses what's right when no one is watching and when it doesn't seem like he'll get caught.

That's why I was thankful when last night ended and I was reading my scriptures. Look it's a new perspective that might be helpful on a mission, or even more importantly later on in life, when I teach my children....

Long winded?

Meet Blake Gray

Enviromental Issues....

Well, coming to a ranch camp I excpected at least a couple of religious fellow employees instead I got none. It was quite a surprise to find absolutely no religon with most of my cohorts resulted to the default I'm just not ready right now, I don't have the ability to have that kind of faith, and I will do it later. The enviroment is odd with neutral showers (goes back to gender specific in a few days) and very foul mouths and perverted language.... It's true that the spirit is gone in a lot of group setting and so am I. They talk of drinking or there topics are crude so I can't join in, so I am now the quite one..... Odd eh? but thats life, and I find quite releif in reading the scriptures or finding what I want to think about in my mind. I want so badly to go to MTC camp but I have to wait....

Un-en-titled (you have no right to title me)

I saw the change in your eyes,
As I changed from Blake,
to a Mormon guy.

I thought, this wasn't right.
Before I was a person,
now I am covered with ignorant night.

Before you said hello and smiled,
now your greeting is hollow,
and your excitment mild.

I have not changed a fiber,
I'm still the same ole' boy,
But how can I be a liar.

How can I deny my faith,
What horrible thing is asked.
Why would I withdraw my face,
When asked about my past.
Should I become a sculpture,
And shape myself each day.
That is not what I hoped'for.
I hoped I was what I say.
I hoped I was a real person.
I hoped I was a single being.
Now the situation will worsen,
as you turn to blanket me.

I guess I will have to smile,
as you turn your intuition away.
I will not meet you with guile,
As I enter the fray.
As I face the duty,
of being an example today.
Please God, please root for me.
As my face is replaced.
I am still me, you know me.
But I would rather them see your face.
I'd rather them feel your love,
not mine.
I'd rather them look above,
then to me.
I'm thankful I am your child,
I'm thankful for what I have.
But don't you; Ally, feel a bit odd,
when you miss my face?

Don't replace me Ally,
Why do you miss my soul?
I am just a peice,
not a carbon-copy of the whole.

I know I'm an emissary,
Just a little reluctant to accept the role,
But I beleive in this work,
With every bit of my soul.
So bless me in my weakness,
Make my soul stand strong.
Because no matter how I look,
If I serve you,
I can't go wrong.

Summer Camp Blues

well, first day of summer camp blues and that was because it is Sunday. Today we got off early at 5 and everybody went to Prescott to shop, which I abstained from, which is why I am lonely and sad and have time to write this little post. Things here have been a little bit diffucult lately, no one here is a hint religous, I only here the Lords name when it is used in vain. Most of the questions and respect are good but there have been questions asked where they don't want an answer, they just want to ask a diffucult question. I have done nicely though firing from the hip like JOHN WAYNE (or GRAMPA CROSBY) Church was bad too, not only did I not know anyone but there like was no youth, there were 5 of them and 4 of them left (including me) after sacrament meeting. I didn't want to make my ride who came out to get me stay. I didn't want to stay either. Which is bad because I got up and bore my testimony and then left after. I'm hoping to go to Prescott single ward next week, but I'll see if that Rick guy who lives on campus and who is LDS still lives here and goes every Sunday.

Everything truly is fine and dandy, but it wouldn't hurt to pray for better Sundays...

Quotes

"When the kids see you, you are John Wayne. BE John Wayne"
-Tim Magell

"Can I pack heat on the horse"
- Frank, Franky, or Francios the frenchman
Seriously he asked this, his secret friend gave him a toy pistol which he accidentally was wearing.

Orme Summer Camp

Well now I am at Orme Summer Ranch Camp. I have already saddled and caught a horse and tonight I will saddle and ride my own. At this point I am still a greeny, but soon I will be, in the words of summer camp leader Tim Magelle "John Wayne." I have had a blast so far and the experience looks promising. I'll filled an odd role so far, those of you who know me, know this is weird, they think of me as the "Mormon kid who goes into his room to read all the time, and is really quite" I really am intimidated by this enviroment really but Ally has been really nice and taught me how to saddle etc. and Pete really took me uinder his wing for the first 30 minutes (then I retreated to his room.) The boots fill great, and so do the wranglers. The only complaint that I have with clothes is I killed four, what they say is, Daddy Longlegs after shaking my pants to loose the after one night infestation. The only complaint I have with that classification of the Daddy Longlegs is that they have major ghetto Booty and I remember them more like my sister Leslie. lol. I can't wait to get crackin with all the kids and everyone here, and it might be a little diffucult. But no matter what I must remember, "Be John Wayne"

Talmage Burleson

Well after not seeing Talmage for a long time, the tall lean machine and I finally got together anddddd played starcraft and sat around and talked. It was good, the guy hasn't changed that much, well he has but certain things are still the same. He has 20+ character passwords which he can memorize with ease, but fails to remember where he put his mail key. He is still way into computers and has this monitor I am typing on right now which is gosh, bigger then my TV. In fact it's one of those TV/moniter things which normally run around $2,500 dollars but he worked for best buy on got the discount so it was "only" $1,200. As always he insisted I stay up all night playing on his screaming fast machine and stay at his house the next day as he and his wife would be gone to work and I could stay here and play all I wanted. His wife is a graphic designer and he is getting about a billion certifications from microsoft to networking to one that only Talmage could acheive - Ability to send a technical message to MSI motherboard in which it ends with 8 greeting, Allah be with you, God bless you, I love you, and how much would could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood. Such an easy going funny guy. It's good seeing him again....

Star Wars and the Gospel

For those of you who don't know I am a huge fan of Star Wars. Always have been, probably always will be. I am also a huge fan of the gospel of Jesus Christ. But, alas, what really hit me about the new Star Wars movie was a lavish and rich opportunity to draw a comparison to the Preisthood. There are two principals of the preisthood that are very very important to take into account. One, the preisthood's sole purpose is to bless Heavenly Father's children and will only work when the preisthood holder is worthy and the purpose or blessing given is in accordance with the will of God. (loosely quoted as I don't have the source) "When one seeks to use the preisthood to gain power over another, amen to the authority of that Preisthood holder." - (A really good guy) Two, is that holding the preisthood is giving allegiance to God, following him and trusting in his ways. Anakin (Pre-darth) had the force (Preisthood) and he was on the light side. One quote from the movie that can be likened to the power of the light side and the preisthood is when Anakin says "The light side is self-less" You cannot give yourself a blessing, the preisthood exists for the blessing of others. But Anakin had a dark secret that he was hiding, he was married to Padme (Queen Amidala and later Luke and Leia's mother) and Padme was pregnant. Anakin had made a bond there, he had acted outside of the ways of the force. Padme's pregnancy (addiction) forced him to no longer be able to be selfless, he was no longer able to act within the ways of the force. Instead of admitting this and committing to a sort of repentance he was fearful. The big decision began to be made as he started having dreams that Padme would die in labor. Was Padme supposed to die in labor, was it her destiny? Yes, it was. The Jedi Master's advice to him was prepare for the departure of the loved one. But Anakin couldn't handle that. He wanted power. He wasn't selfless now, Padme and HIS CHILDREN were know a major part of who he was. Now he needed more power, a promise made to him by Darth Sidous that if he joined the dark side he would have that power. He wanted an extreme power promised him by Darth Sidous, the power to stop people from dying (Which in no way is a power that Satan can give) He was fighting fate, fighting a decision made by something in charge of everything. This can be likened to fighting God. It is sad though, the light side is the power of healing, the dark side is the power of death. What he really needed was healing, for a path, for knowledge of his purpose, To do good. It was hard to watch as Anakin and Padme were arguing after Anakin's siege at the temple, and as Padme started to realize that what she wanted was no longer there. That Anakin was no longer a Jedi (righteous preisthood holder) but a Sith Lord (John Kerry, lol) If only, in only Anakin had remained true to the truth he could've been there for his wife, instead when she came to him he hurt her.... What Padme really needed was a kind and self-less Jedi (A righteous preisthood holder). Liken that to preisthood holders themselves. There will be times that we are called on to give a blessing or to be a blessing to others. Are we worthy? AT ALL TIMES, are we worthy and ready?

The flip side of the force is darkness. There is a light side and a dark side. There is good and evil. There is a God and a devil. There is the Savior's fold and there is those fooled by Satan. And what reward is given to those who labor for Satan? "for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." 2 Nephi 2:27 How was Anakin rewarded for his obedience to Darth Sidious? Remember the way Darth Sidious told Darth Vader that Darth Vader had killed Padme in his anger. Then as Darth Vader stepped forward and yelled out in anger the way that Darth Sidious sat in the background smiling, probably thinking "yes, yes, give in to your anger, be a slave to your pain."

In the end we must realize in this struggle for out souls that it is us who chooses what fold we are in, who we follow, and what actions we take with the situations presented us.


2 Ne. 2: 27 - Book of Mormon
27 Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.